Seeing Jesus

Listening to a talk by Bishop Fulton Sheen the other night, he gave the reminder that we were taught to pray, "Our Father, not my Father," and that we, "see the face of Jesus in the face of the poor." This takes our invisible Lord and makes him visible. It helps calm our doubts, and helps us to feel the amazing warmth and love of God.

We can experience this most powerfully by going to help those who are the most needy: Feeding the homeless, counseling the despondent, bringing the gospel to the faithless. We need to do these things when we can (something some of my brave friends do far better than I). But we also need to recognize that everyone is poor or broken at times, in their own ways.

By recognizing the needs of those in our daily lives, and showing them compassion we can all feed the poor every day. Most of us eat several times a day. And we need emotional and spiritual sustenance each day as well. Be a friend, be a brother, look past what people ask for, and give them even more. "For if we can not love the people we see, how can we love God, who we cannot see."

A Step Toward Community

There was a time my wife and I dreamed of living in a lay Catholic community. We strongly believe that people are too isolated these days, too individualistic, trying to do everything on their own. There is so much we can do better together. And my wife and I feel a greater need for something like this, being separated from our families by a 7 hour drive. But some time ago we lost most of our hope in the matter.

The lay Catholic communities we have looked into seem too strict, not in terms of the necessary moral requirements, but more along the lines of a religious order, with required prayer times and other requirements that go beyond ordinary Catholic moral standards. 

Also, the two of us are very shy. We have difficulty connecting with others, especially in a deeper way. Just speaking for myself, when I let down my walls it exposes raw nerves, and I become hyper-sensitive, and I just end up hiding behind a dumpster.

So, our difficulty with connections limits our ability to sell the idea of a community, and our desire to try fitting in with an existing community.

But we do have a bit of a vision, and perhaps it will do some good for someone who actually gets along well with people.

I can see various possibilities, but I generally see a two-tiered structure with a more loosely tied large group, and more tightly bound small groups.

I think two (possibly three) families would be enough to form a small group. These two families would form a sort of partnership, doing things like cooking, cleaning, praying, and sharing much of life together. I could see this working in one shared house with a large common area, as well as separate areas belonging to one family or the other. Or, perhaps more likely, two separate homes next to, or very close to each other. These units would generally get together with the larger neighborhood community maybe once a week, perhaps a few times. Or to simplify things, they could just gather for ordinary parish functions, which are generally fine for a broad sense of community, just not so much the daily interdependence that would be the strength of the small groups.

One possible problem with the small group structure could be an issue of exclusiveness, but I think that would fade with a bit of time. The two small families would become like one large family, and wouldn't need be any more exclusive than any large family.

I don't think God intended this American spirit of self-reliance. He meant us to rely on each other. As brothers in a shared faith, we should be able to truly be part of each others' lives: helping each other with the difficult task of raising children, with the mundane tasks of keeping house, shopping, living, and most of all, with growth in our faith.

And the truth is, while such dreams of community may be beyond my reach, there are small steps I can take in that direction. Even if we don't live in walking distance, I can offer to help one or two of my close friends with ordinary tasks, whether accomplished together or apart. And if my gift is reciprocated, and it becomes regular, it will make life easier and happier for all our families. And I think we will live a little more like God intended.

Hearing Voices

Every week I heard Stephanie's phone ring once or twice. It was Stephanie's mother, almost without fail. She has some friends that text top keep in touch, but the one person who called on the phone to hear her voice, the voice God gave us to share with our loved ones, was her mother. Now I hear Stephanie's ringtone, and my first thought is still that Sandy is on the phone. But it will never be her again, and that is sad and strange.

Now, I love my text messages, and I'm not going to stop using them (much to my friends' chagrin), but I wonder if I'm turning to them too quickly. I wonder if I should rediscover the telephone. And when I can manage it, even if I don't have much time to spare, I should go a little out of my way to quickly (or not so quickly) stop by and see my friends and family at work or at home.

I have friends living just a mile or two away that I email or text, but hardly see in person. What great difference might it make if I just stopped by for five minutes here or there? I might find myself at least a little closer to the dream my wife and I have of living in a close-knit Catholic community (something I'll have to go into more later).

The Best in People

While it does go against my belief that the joy of complaining is why God lets us suffer in life, I've been engaged in an interesting thought experiment.

What if we could look at our family and friends, and only see the good memories, and let go of all the bad?

I pick good family and close friends, so it's not like there's anything huge ruining our relationships, but it seems most every relationship has little annoyances or dark spots.

Yeah, I said I pick good family. "That makes no sense," you say? Well you're just saying that because you picked such a lame family.

Anyway, to clarify this idea about forgetting the problems, I'm not saying that if your lunatic brother threatens to kill you the next time he sees you, you should forget it, and invite yourself over for tea. I'm talking a bit more about issues that are clearly in the past or more minor issues in the present, like if someone forgot your birthday, they complain about your cooking (can you blame them?), they don't answer your emails, they don't show interest in some of your favorite things, or things like that.

If something is solidly in the past it could be a big issue, and you can still forget it, like the time your brother lit your hamster on fire (how could he do that?!?). Let it go. Also you can forget things on your own side. Forget the worries about being misunderstood, forget the embarrassing moments of the past, and don't worry about how much they like you.

Doing this, focusing on the kindness, the fun, the beauty of the person and your relationship with them, and removing the dark spots from the picture, I think you can find a greater happiness in your relationships, and love your friends and family more fully.

I even wonder if we might discover some hidden treasures this way. Maybe we'll see the people who might not have been the easiest or most exciting friends, and realize how much love they showed us while we weren't paying attention.

As for my actual experience, so far my results are mixed. I kind of do this by default with my wife. Next, I find it easier with my family and close friends, where there are lots of good memories and displays of love to draw upon. I've had moments of realization that friends were not just good friends, but great and wonderful friends. Other friends and acquaintances I'm finding that the kindness-to-difficulty ratio is still a more major factor.

But even if we still have difficulty loving, it doesn't hurt to prayerfully work with God to look at people with greater love. Remember, just as our love for God helps us love people, our love for people also helps us to love God.

This is part of why most of us are not called to be hermits. Most of us are supposed to be spending time enjoying the company of our family and friends, as well as touching the lives of others beyond our circle.

And if we are doing this with greater focus on what is right with the person, perhaps we'll love them a bit more, and we will all grow a little closer to God just being near each other.